This I Vow

Upon perusing Facebook, I’ve recently noticed that I’ve far too many friends (mostly from My Hometown) who essentially said ‘I do’, kicked off their wedding shoes, plopped themselves down on a couch, looked around and exclaimed to no one, “Welp, I guess I’ve waited long enough. Time for an insta-kid!”

I don’t know if there’s liquid baby-crack floating in these Utah waters. Maybe some nefarious prankster has spritzed fertility pheromones into the atmosphere.  But frankly, I don’t care if I was promised I’d produce a solid-gold baby;  I simply refuse to pop out a mini-me within the first year of marriage (especially when one considers the delivery)!  I won’t do it.  Never, no never, no NEVER, I say to you!!  *shakes fist at the heavens*

CK agrees. That is why I married him.

One might add that this is thanks to the miracle of birth control.

Currently listening to: Two Weeks in Hawaii by Hellogoodbye

Meet Sav, The Chocolate Queen

Yes, CK and I went through with it.
No, I currently do not have any pictures, nor will I for 4-10 weeks (sob!).
Yes, we looked freakin’ amazing.
No, this blog will not merge with CK’s to become “Life as the Chocolate L”.

Anyways, it was a wicked cool weekend. Like, the best weekend ever. There were a few moments that just made me catch my breath and revel in the significantly eternal beauty thereof …

… Like the time when CK and I slept the night before in bunk beds IN a shared room WITH my in-laws.
… Like the time when I thought I tore my dress while changing into it and accidentally muttered “damn it” while in the temple.
… Like the time when there were seventeen other brides on the grounds but our photographer kicked all the other brides’ photographers’ trash anyway.
… Like the time when CK and I ate Cafe Rio AND watched House on the first night of our pseudo-honeymoon, because we are just that addicted.

Oh yeah, and like that time when I looked across the altar at my fian…. HUSBAND (gack!) and realized that he was mine forever. That one was pretty important.

Anyways, as CK put it, it’s cool to be in the Club.  Or rather, Clubs.

I promise I’ll post pics asap.

I accept my crown.

Currently listening to: Hilarious Movie of the 90s by Four Tet

TOMORROW.

All of you in Blog Land, please make a fist.  Now raise your fisted hand to the heavens.  Now pull that same elbow down abruptly.  You have just fist-pumped the end of an EPIC era.

Oh, and happy 2010, too.

I'm gettin' married in the morning...

Currently listening to: Get Me To the Church On Time by Stanley Holloway

And Then There Were Four

Saturday.   I am marrying CK on Saturday.

The night he proposed, CK and I held a funeral for his Bachelorhood.  I said a few words while CK pretended to weep by my side. All in all it was a touching eulogy, covering everything from strippers, to cold leftover pizza, to the recent obsolescence of Bros Before Hos.

Regarding my own expiring Singledom, I feel a similar ceremony is in order.  I don’t have a candle or any carnations handy, so this post will have to do.

Dear Singledom:

You have given me many freedoms.

I will miss the freedom to walk around the apartment in sketti-straps and short shorts (but I guess now I’ll have full license to walk around naked).

I will miss the freedom to spend my income on whatever I want (but I guess now I’ll have two incomes to squander).

I will miss the freedom to stay up all night talking to Midori (but that girl never goes to bed, so, conceivably, I’ll still be able to call her post-marriedom).

I will miss the freedom to live close enough to walk to campus  (but I guess now I’ll have a car).

I will miss the freedom to hang out with my single friends (but I guess this is Provo, and they’ll all be married off soon enough).

I will miss the freedom to attend silent, toddler-less church meetings (ummm … yeah, nothing more to say here).

However, Singledom dear, there are a few things I will NOT miss about you.

I will NOT miss dating.

I will NOT miss not dating.

I will NOT miss sleeping on a hard twin mattress.

I will NOT miss getting hit on by creepy men.

I will NOT miss never having enough whites to do a full load of laundry.

I will NOT miss having to live in approved housing.

I will NOT miss curfews.

I will NOT miss “Get Married – It’s the Righteous Thing To Do” talks.

I will NOT miss hearing that Nothing Good Happens After Midnight.

Love, Sav.

Pretty much the only problem I see with this whole marriage thing is the possibility of  “Have Kids – It’s the Righteous Thing To Do” talks at church.  But I am not afraid!

My Idaho holiday was lovely, by the way.  It was kind of bittersweet to be away from my family, but I still had a nearly perfect time.  I even got to see CK’s old stomping grounds (and drink some of the nastiest-tasting water ever, as per local tradition). However, I could barely focus on the Yuletide, because, yeah.  I’m slightly impatient.

91 and a half hours, and that sucker is MINE.

Yes, my Singledom takes on the persona of Sasha Fierce. Sing that ol' song one last time with me, just for kicks, ladies!

Currently listening to: New Life by Depeche Mode

Another Letter to Me

Dearest Sav:

Just a few kindly words of advice as you scream towards the finish line of your engagement. Please (…please), take these tips and use them well so as to not drive your dear CK insane.

Stop freaking out about your makeup.  Stop spending CK’s money on your makeup.  Stop having nightmares about your makeup. Just stop it.

*Shudder*

That 18-year-old girl from your hometown who got married two weeks before you and looked effing GORGEOUS and stole (that’s right… STOLE… never mind that her wedding was first) your bridal colors and looked STUNNING with her little 25-inch waistline and perfectly coiled hair is not your arch nemesis (damn her).

Remember that line by Joan Cusack on Runaway Bride?  “The veil is not attacking you!!!”

Easy. Eeeeeasy, there, Sav.

Last but not least, remember that it’s not the silly insignificant details that matter.  Just go with the flow. Have fun.  Drink some Stephens without worrying about fitting into your dress. In a word, chill.

Your psyche will forever thank you for it.

All my love,

Me.

Currently listening to:  Peace by Norah Jones

The Twelve Days of Crunch Time (A Christmas Carol)

It’s only twelve days until the Big Day!  Yeeeeesh!

In celebration, please join me in singing a beloved Christmas classic (inspired by Alicia): The Twelve Days of Crunch Time.  And a-one, and a-two, and a-one, two, three!

♪♫ On the first day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

A smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the second day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the third day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Three kinds of gift cards,
two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the fourth day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Four inch heels,
three kinds of gift cards,
two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the fifth day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Five hundred staaaaaamps!
four inch heels,
three gift cards,
two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the sixth day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Six awesome in-laws (+ a nephew),
five hundred staaaaaamps!
four inch heels,
three gift cards,
two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the seventh day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Seven massive migraines,
six awesome in-laws,
five hundred staaaaaamps!
four inch heels,
three gift cards,
two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the eighth day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Eight finals finished,
seven massive migraines,
six awesome in-laws,
five hundred staaaaaamps!
four inch heels,
three gift cards,
two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the ninth day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Nine talks on chastity,
eight finals finished,
seven massive migraines,
six awesome in-laws,
five hundred staaaaaamps!
four inch heels,
three gift cards,
two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the tenth day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Ten knee-length undies,
nine talks on chastity,
eight finals finished,
seven massive migraines,
six awesome in-laws,
five hundred staaaaaamps!
four inch heels,
three gift cards,
two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the eleventh day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Eleven hours of driving,
ten knee-length undies,
nine talks on chastity,
eight finals finished,
seven massive migraines,
six awesome in-laws,
five hundred staaaaaamps!
four inch heels,
three gift cards,
two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!

♪♫ On the twelfth day of crunch time, the universe gave to me:

Twelve vendors paid,
eleven hours of driving,
ten knee-length undies,
nine talks on chastity,
eight finals finished,
seven massive migraines,
six awesome in-laws,
five hundred staaaaaamps!
four inch heels,
three gift cards,
two empty wallets,
and a smoking hot and sexy CK!  ♫♪

Merry Christmas, y’all!

Currently listening to:  Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt

Priorities

On my wedding day, I will be sporting $1300 in clothing and accessories, a $7000 ring, $200 flowers, $150 in pearls, $50 in makeup, $50 in nails,  a $40 hairstyle, and $25 in miscellaneous primping.

CK is currently next to me, eating reheated leftover Ramen.

Currently listening to: Paparazzi by Lady Gaga

Ladykiller

Dear Readership:  The stress is going to murder me. Feel free to say your last goodbyes.  In lieu of flowers, please give my poor soon-to-be-widowed fiancé money.  Thank you.

Behold my famous last words!  Ready?  GO.

“Iiiiiiiieeeeeee haaaaaaaaate eeeeeeeeeverythiiiiiiiiiiiing!  Waaaaaaaaaahhhhh!”

Especially crazies.

Currently listening to: Digitalism by Pogo

‘Tis the Season …

… for poverty!

If there’s anything I’ve learned over the past few weeks, it’s that getting married is ridiculously expensive. Between wedding costs, setting up a brand new apartment, school and graduation fees, and still trying to maintain something of a date budget, fundage has been tight.

Goodbye.

Despite this, CK and I chose to forgo the responsible option (Merry Christmas, hot stuff, my present to you is moi!”) and organize a very, VERY small gift exchange between us.

I was delighted by this.  I consider myself to be a pretty decent gift-giver.  Sure, I’ve had a few misses over the years; shall we explore?  *Shuffling through archives* Ah, the infamous Milk Towel Incident of 1999.  Then there’s the Cheap Jewelry Fiasco of 2001. And let’s not forget the Keychain Disaster of 1995; that one was a real doozy!  *Wipes tear* Such memories!

Most of the time, though, I’d say I do okay. It helps that my observational skills don’t exactly suck. The fact that my loved ones keep inviting me back for the holidays must hold some weight, right?  Regardless, I get a kick out of dusting off my mental records to surprise people with something they don’t hate.  It makes me chuckle at my own brilliance, which I also enjoy.

CK, however, prefers to simply ask me for what I want. Perhaps it takes out the mystery, but it’s also far more efficient. No returns = no hassle = more time = less gas money = happier spouse, see?  The system has worked flawlessly thus far – such a genius is my love! And how do I know he’s fulfilled my not-so-subtle requests? I coerced him to let me open this one early:

They’re warm, they’re mine, and they’re protecting my ears from sub-zero temperatures probably as we speak.  Handy, that.  I love my 180s!  Also stuffing my future stocking are waterproof mascara (for wedding day sobs) and my favorite movie musicals (incidentally, the most sketch ones).  Sav is pleased.

Sadly, I’ve been so focused on marrying this boy that Christmas has almost been an afterthought this year.  With all our moneys going toward photographers, flowers, furniture and bedding, we’ve little left to spend on twinkly lights or evergreen trees. I keep combing craigslist.com faithfully, though, just in case.  Cross your fingers for us!  Our Place the First could use a little holiday cheer.

I did have a Christmas miracle yesterday –in the form of finally selling my bleeping contract.  I am thrilled to be rid of the thing, CK is thrilled to be getting the $200 deposit back, and Midori is thrilled to be getting a new Korean roommate (Middi = Friend of Nations).  It happened at 11pm last night when I was already drugged (the poor dear who bought it was too busy trying to decipher my lightning-fast, trying-not-to-keel-over-from-heavy-medication prose to notice my sluggish mannerisms), and I’m pretty sure Clarence got his wings for doing me that little favor.  Opa!

The goal now is to push through finals for five more days, whereafter I get to participate in an incredibly important pre-wedding religious ceremony for my church. I’m terribly excited.  (For more information, see mormon.org)  I consider that to be the best Christmas present I’m getting this year (barring CK, of course).

Feliz Navidad!

Currently listening to: I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas by The Drifters

Sav Should Not Post When She Is Le Tired.

Tonight CK and Yours Truly spent inordinate amounts of money on essential homemaking sturfs. To my delight, one of those sturfs was a lovely, lovely, (cheap and) lovely bookshelf! The Gentleman Fiancé put it together for me right away, which made my geeky heart squeal with joy!  We picked up an entertainment stand for CK’s wild technological endeavors, too, which pleased him greatly, I believe. It must furthermore be mentioned that I, the soon-to-be Savvy J, assembled our first piece of furniture! Yes!! Praise me! (So it was an $8 lamp from Wally World. Details, schmetails.)  Anyways, Our Place the First is lookin’ better all the time.

We also got ALL of our announcement envelopes stuffed and sealed (many paper cuts resulted).  Now all we’ve left to do is slap on mailing labels and stamps. We tried it, but nearly lost the Great Printer Battle of 2009.  So many good label sheets sacrificed.  Eventually we gave up because as Anjelah Nicole Johnson would say, “Who’s gonna pay for that, that’s esspensive.”  Yeesh.

Winner quotes from the long and arduous evening:

(Scene: I’m discussing our wedding bash, which ends at four pm.)

Sav: “What do you want to do for dinner on our wedding night?”
CK: “We could always have sex and then go to Cafe Rio.”

(Scene: I’m checking over my one millionth “to pack” list for the wedding when I reach the abbreviation for Sparkling Pink Catawba.)

Sav: “I just wrote ’sparkling pink cat’ on my list.
CK: “I don’t want a sparkling pink cat.”
Sav: “What if it’s the outfit I chose for our first night?”
CK: “… creepy furry.”

I LOL’d.

And now I’m going to render myself comatose.

Don't like? *Scoff* See if you get invited to my next Littlest Pet Shop party!

Currently listening to: Nothing Better by The Postal Service